Those Phrases given by A Dad That Helped Us when I became a First-Time Father

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a broader reluctance to communicate among men, who still absorb damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a pause - taking a few days away, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."